This is almost certainly the first year of my life that I'll be universally glad to get over with.

For a lot of reasons, I'm more tired right now than I remember being at any point this far. Not so much even with the working or the weather or the whole commercialised Christmas blues: just with the weight of feeling some of this stuff that's here.

It's been a rough year. I still don't know why I felt the way I do through some of it; why I was so depressed, seemingly about nothing, for the first month or so. Why my parents aren't happier that my dad's okay, why moving home's been the hardest thing I've done in a long time. But I abhor people who scrounge for sympathy, so you better not think that that's what I'm doing here.

Instead, what makes it worse is that I've messed about, acted like a twat to, just generally let down nearly every person I care about at some point over the last 12 months. And, while I know I've probably (hopefully) said it to your face before, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry if it was you that I didn't talk to, or forgot about, or over-relied on, or took ages returning mail to, or had petty arguments about nothing with. For the longest time I just didn't feel like me. I'm so sorry I've not been myself. It turns out to be something it takes a long time to come back from.

I think I'm nearly there now, of course. I hope I am. The last few months working at HMV have been disorienting but good; they've made me realise what I've lost and, as a result, what I value the most. And it's people: of course, I always knew this, but not as explicitly and cleanly as I do now.

So, to Tony (more than you know), to Kim, to Danny, to Dale, to "Evil Dan", to Dave and Dave, to Will, to Cath, to Seldo/Laurie, to James and Mary and Matt and Gemma and Kelly and Chris and...all the other countless friends I always should have been more grateful for having, I'm sorry. If you're still around, and still want me to bounce around the place in a refreshingly retro stylee, I think I'm nearly ready to do that again. And I know I've been terrible, worse than you have any right to put up with, at keeping in touch. But drop me a line, however. My #1 New Year's Resolution this year - and I never make resolutions - is to be better at keeping in touch. I really have no excuse.

And I love you. And -- Merry Christmas.